*Author’s Notes*

I wrote this for a prompt contest of worst stories ever.  We had to write a story, which highlights everything we shouldn’t do, when writing stories.  I can safely say, that this does not reflect my writing at all, but this was so much fun to think up and write.  As you can see here I despise slang and people who misuse “your” and “you’re” and “there,” “their” and “they’re.” It’s not that difficult to get it right.  I am a tad worried at how easy I found it to write this.  If you’re not english, you may not understand the slang terms used.


Once upon a time in a galaxy far far away.  Oh wait is that from Star Wars.  Right let me start again.  Once upon a time in a beautiful kingdom lived a beautiful princess.  Oh wait that sounds like a fairytale.  Right one more time.  Once upon a time in London, there was these two boys on a very high rooftop and one boy who we’ll call jarred because thats his name.  anyway jarred looked over the very high rooftop and then he was turning to the other boy who was also on the very high rooftop.  jarred said “wouldn’t it be bare sick if you could find that one perfect girl out dere.  obviously they’d have to be bare peng, but they need to be deep too.  you get me? they need to get you, you get me? But finding a girl like that would be hard.  It’d be like finding a needle in a haystack, a ice cube in a ocean, a egg in a forest.  BLUD you listening to me!!!”

The other boy on the very high rooftop turned around.  “Oh your talking to me?”

“Of course Im talkin to you.  Your my boy, my brethren, my homie, famalam.  Who else would I talk too?”

“I have no idea what you just said.  I just came up to the very high rooftop to admire the view and you came along and started talking about, I dont even know what your talking about.  Why dont you speak english properly?”

“BLAD.  Is you is mocking the way I is talking? Do you want me to bang you in you’re head blad.  Cos i will.  Don’t think i won’t.  I’m bare hench, you get me.”

“Jarred, I have no idea what your talking about.”

“How the fuck do you know my name? Blad you best piss of, before I fuck you up blud.  Fuck of, you dick.”

“I still have no idea what your talking about, so ima go now.  Good luck with whatever your doing.” The other boy walked away from the very high rooftop.  jarred turned back and looked over the very high rooftop, where he saw a bare peng girl.  she was really fit.  she had brown hair and brown eyes and was really fit.  jarred knew that she was the one.  Then out of nowhere five men in black clothes walked up to the girl and started attacking her.  jarred knew that he cant let no one hurt his girl so he had to protect her.  But how? He would just jump off the very high rooftop.  usually this would break someone’s legs but jarred was so bare hench and strong that he jumped the rooftop without a scratch.  Now I need something to protect myself.  OOO look someone left an AK47 with a few rounds, behind that dumpster.  I’ll just pick that up and shoot those guys attacking my girl.  So jarred did that and the guys died.  the girl went up to jarred and said “my hero.  I LOVE YOU.  WANT TO GET MARRIED!” Then they had a big smoochy, massive kiss.  Then jarred and tina got married and then they had kids and then they got a dog and then they got a cat and then everyone lived happy ever after.  (except for the guys jarred killed, who died in a lot of pain)

The End.

Epilogue

Remember those guys who jarred killed? Well they were part of a massive gang who then killed jarred and shannon and there children and they’re pets and all their servants.  Ooops did I forget to mention that they got servants, well dats a whole other story entirely, but before I tell you that story i have to tell you this story…

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