Ok mate, I’m not gonna wait
I’m gonna tell you straight
don’t complain, act like you have a brain
so you got friendzoned, cry me a river, but show a sliver
of decency and self-respect
she didn’t do it because you’re a nice guy
oh dear, oh dear, that excuse is so last year
so buck up, grow a pair, you silly mare,
I’ll tell you why she did it.
Shock horror, can it be true?
She did it because she doesn’t like you!

I’m gonna be blunt,
she did it, because you’re a whiny
you were scared, you never dared,
you lied, you cried, you waited, you hesitated, you pontificated
maybe if you’d been a man,
she’d be holding your hand, you’d understand
instead of lying on your rock, looking at the clock
one hand wrapped round your
how could your skull be so thick? You need to be quick
or you’ll finish last, yeah it makes sense, but don’t be so bloody dense,
all you need is confidence.
So she said no, you’re feeling blue
but of course it’s her fault that she isn’t attracted to you
but what the hell are you gonna do?

Girls only like bad guys
God, you still believe those lies
if you tell me that crap, you’re getting a slap
if you really think that, you. are. a. professional. class. twat.
Girls like the confidence, the independence, guys who don’t live to other’s expectations.
she doesn’t like your trepidation, lack of initiation, boring conversation
avoid the devastation, make your move first
for better or worse
take that risk, make yourself proud
stand out from the crowd
take a shot, strike whilst the hammer’s hot,
she might say no and it’ll be shit, but you still did it
yeah it’ll suck, it’s just bad luck
so unclench your fist, don’t get your panties in a twist
don’t ramble, take pride that you took a gamble,
because I’ll say without further preamble
if you don’t have the balls to risk everything for the girl you like
do you really deserve to have her?

Author’s Notes


This performance poem is all about my thoughts on the friendzone.  I’ve written an article on the friendzone, where I expand on the ideas that I’ve raised here.  Thanks to my beta-editors Catherine and Lerisa.

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